MaryLyn At Home

Ever since my son first started moving in the womb, I knew one thing about him: he does not like being held in place or restricted. From his earliest movements, he kicked and punched back at anything that pressed against him. Whether it was me leaning against a counter or daring to press a hand against my belly, he made his feelings very clear.

Recently, we were sitting on the front porch swing watching cars go by—one of his favorite pastimes. He practically vibrates with excitement whenever a car passes.

The part that doesn’t excite him? Mama’s arm around his waist keeping him from diving headfirst onto the concrete porch.

He does not appreciate it one bit and always fights the good fight, pushing my arm away and trying to escape.

The other day, while he was fighting my arm yet again, something occurred to me:

He has absolutely no idea why I’m holding him back.

To him, it’s simply cruel and unusual that he can’t go where he wants. He wants my arm gone. As far as he’s concerned, it’s 100% unnecessary.

Here’s the thing: being held back is for his good.

His inability to understand my reasoning doesn’t change the goodness of it. He doesn’t have to understand why my arm is there for my arm to be protecting him.

And that thought stopped me.

Are there places in my own life where I feel held back or restricted—places where I can’t understand what God is doing—that might actually be for my good?

I’ll be frank—there are a few big areas of my life where I feel very held back right now. And if I’m being honest, it had never really occurred to me that the restraint itself might be good.

Not until I considered my son.

He doesn’t have the whole picture. He only knows that he wants to go somewhere and my arm is preventing him from getting there.

I know what he doesn’t. I know that my arm being removed and him having the freedom he wants will lead to a traumatizing experience that will harm him. The freedom he wants will equal harm.

And how much more is that true of me and God?

I can see the closed door. I can feel the frustration of being unable to move forward. But I cannot see everything He sees.

That realization has made me pause when I feel the familiar angst about some of my present circumstances. Maybe the thing that feels like an obstacle isn’t an absence of God’s care. Maybe there are things I simply cannot see from where I’m sitting.

I don’t know.

But I know that I trust the One whose arm is around me.

That thought inspired me to write a prayer. I’ll leave it here in case you’re staring at a closed door of your own and need some words to work with.

Lord, I do not see the benefit of the closed door in front of me right now. I do not see anything good about this situation. In my understanding, being allowed to move forward would be best for me, but for some reason, you are not allowing it. I trust that you have my good and your glory in store for me – please help me to truly believe that in my soul. Thank you, Lord, for the things you have held me back from that would have harmed me and not been for my good. Please help me to seek your will in this place, and to faithfully follow your leading into whatever path you have laid out. Help me to submit to the truth of Proverbs 16:9, that i plan my ways but you establish my steps.

-M