MaryLyn At Home

The Story:

I’ll bet you’d never guess that I’m a recovering people pleaser, would you?

Well shocker, I am. I am very skilled at tying myself in mental knots over what someone might think of me, and taking the easy route to get out of socially uncomfortable situations.

Nine months ago I became a mom, and the outcome of my people pleasing no longer affected just me. I became aware very early on that I was bending and swaying to the preferences of those around me because – honestly – I had no idea what I was doing, and I was afraid of disappointing people. I’d agree with a thought on parenting that someone offered, even if I really wasn’t sure I agreed.

Because agreeing was more comfortable than saying, “I’ll have to think about that.”

Someone would walk up and ask to hold my son. Everything in me just wanted to hold onto him, but my feelings didn’t feel like a good enough reason, so I’d hand him over. Cue 5 minutes of anxious sweats and twitching like a crack addict while I mama bear’d and hovered.

Being “nice” got prioritized over being honest, when in reality it wasn’t that binary of a decision.

Then I realized something that completely changed the way I think.

What someone thinks or feels about the decisions I make has no tangible affect on my life.

Literally, if someone hates my guts for raising my child a certain way? Nothing happens. They experience a thought. They experience an emotion. Maybe they tell someone else about it. Maybe even a lot of people. And then…life goes on. What I’m convicted to do with my life hasn’t changed. God’s view of my obedience hasn’t changed. Only someone else’s thoughts have.

Somewhere in my tangled brain, I started believing it was my responsibility to make sure other people never had a negative opinion of me.

But that’s a cross I was never meant to – and can’t – bear. We are none of us able to get through this life without being the catalyst for other people having negative thoughts. I can’t even control having a gut reaction in my own brain – how can I expect to control what someone else things about me? At the end of the day, I won’t stand before the opinions of other people.

I stand before God.

And that’s a much better place to be than standing before the crowd.

The Scripture:

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” – Colossians 3:23-24

The Chit Chat

Unrelated to people pleasing, I have finally come out of the postpartum hormone jungle, and I’m crediting it to something stupid simple.

I’ve finally stayed consistent with my hormone serum routine. Every day for the past month I’ve applied my essential oil hormone balancing blend, and it has been transformational. Erratic basal body temperature? Don’t know her. Random depression for no reason? Gone. Crazy rage when nothing is happening to make me angry? Thing of the past.

Everyone’s postpartum and hormone experiences are different, but for me, it’s become one of those things I won’t let myself go without.

Unrelated to hormones, a book I’m currently listening to and love so far: “The Body Teaches the Soul” by Justin Whitmel Early. Not a recommendation yet, as I haven’t finished it, but so far it’s looking really good.

I’ll leave you with a favorite quote of mine.

“Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens, but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.” (Gimli, Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring.

-M