MaryLyn At Home

I can’t count how many times I’ve let the house go for a few days or weeks, then rage cleaned for a few hours or a whole day because the clutter is stressing me out so much. I bet you’ve done this too. The pile by the doorway where things have just been getting dumped, the mountain of clothes to be folded that sat for a week, the pile of mail on the counter that will be really simple to take care of once I actually do it.

“It’s only going to take you like 5 minutes” my brain pleaded with me about any given task. But there was such a mental block that I would just watch things pile up until the stress was unbearable. Add a newborn and all the time and energy it took to care of him, and things got truly out of hand fast.

In the early days of postpartum when my husband was just going back to work, I remember sitting on the couch while I held my son, and staring at a literal pile of clutter in front of me. The ottoman in our living room had become Central Headquarters for everything baby related, and I hated it’s guts. It was always looming over me as something I needed to take care of, and I wanted to burn it with fire. I realized in that moment this couldn’t continue. I strapped my son into the baby carrier, stood up, and in less than 5 minutes I could see the top of the ottoman again. I physically felt the space that clutter was holding in my brain dissipate.

That wasn’t a moment where – Boom – everything clicked into place and my house was never cluttered again. This was a moment where I decided that I was no longer willing to live in a chronically overwhelmed state. This was a moment where I reminded myself that I have agency to change just about anything in my life. If something is bothering me and I don’t change it? Then I shouldn’t be surprised when I still feel miserable.

Now, this has been a self-help talk up until this point. Next, I’m going to take it deeper into the spiritual and scriptural aspect. I believe that everything we have is on loan from God. God has allowed us to have the resources we do; house, money, cars, groceries, time –the list goes on. I have been given what I have to steward, serve my family, my church, my community, and spread the Gospel until Christ’s return or my death.

I’ve had to ask myself–am I really stewarding it well? Am I taking what He’s given me, protecting, growing it, and producing fruit? Or am I allowing myself to live in a state of overwhelm and “hot mess”, for the sake of my own comfort and laziness? I have to admit – along the way, I confused grace for my hard days with a permission structure for chronic poor stewardship.

The life that I want won’t be found sitting on the couch being stressed out by things that are 100% in my power to change, if only I stand up and do them.

The problem wasn’t the ottoman. The problem was that I became far too comfortable shrugging off tasks and responsibilities for the sake of being tired, or because I figured I’d get to it later.

This isn’t to suggest that my house or your house needs to be perfect at all times. That I should take my stress over the clutter and turn it into stress over every speck of dust.

Will my house be messy somedays? Yes.

Will I sometimes have to leave dishes in the sink to run to an appointment? Absolutely.

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is a peaceful life, full of stability and structure that maximizes our capacity to bless others and be a vessel of Christ’s love to those around us.

What about you? What areas of your life stress you and are in your control to change?

-M